KogePan714's Xanga

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 01:42:22 GMT

holy cow, xanga looks so complicated with all those widgets and stuff that i have no idea how to use it almost. i'm debating whether or not to double post like jess does between her actual blog site and xanga blog. i doubt i have any readers left here. if you want to see entries related to my sketches, or jed's, or chieze's, or jess's, go to my actual site: www.momo-zaza.com - eventually i'll maybe put up some stories and more of an eating type blog there too. eventually.

anyways, here's one entry for now:

I don’t like playing PVP (player versus player) on WoW much, mainly because I suck, and also it can suck when the other random players on your side suck as well. BUT I really wanted a tiger epic mount. There were basically two ways of getting a tiger mount for my character: 1) Do random quests to get exalted with Darnassus and buy a mount from that city, or 2) play enough PVP battles to earn medals of honor and purchase from a PVP mount vendor. I went for the secoond option because the PVP black war tiger was cuter than the mounts available from Darnassus. Understand that at this point, I had already gotten a regular epic mount (a horse that increased my speed by 100%) and didn’t NEED to have another mount….but the tiger was cute!!!! (ok, maybe more like cool? whatever, I still think it’s cute) And if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you probably have a life. So just shut up and rejoice with me in the cuteness of my fake online pet that helps me move around fast in a virtual world that is sucking the life out of me. No really, it’s a fun game.

In other news, I set parental controls on Jed’s WoW account to help save the soul that Vince sold to get his own back. Sadly, Vince says he has “quit WoW” for real. Again. We’ll see how long it lasts. In the meantime, we have Jed to make up the 5th person in our group. (^_^)

And no, I haven’t been playing WoW all day during my week off. I’ve updated my website (see??? posts on the front page now!!), did some laundry, and filed my taxes. BOOYAH! I also plan to do some writing/editing of stories and resume this week, and of course do all my grading and planning jazz for teaching. Yay! We should all get entire weeks off every couple of months. I think it helps keep things in perspective?

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 00:23:24 GMT

Posted another entry on Momo-Zaza, come read over there! =P To see previous entries under scribbles, click on the scribbles category on the left side bar, and then underneath the newest entry there should be a "previous entries" button. ^_^ Today's entry was kinda inspired by Beanie's teaching moments of the week!

New location!

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:40:00 GMT

Hi guys....to the few readers still out there....I've decided to migrate to an actual website for reals now (finally have a layout I'm pretty happy with).

It's still in the works content wise, but the major pieces are in place and I will be posting my blog entries there at Momo-Zaza under the "Scribbles" section. Come check it out and let me know what you think! I'll try to leave a message here whenever I've updated on the website.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 18:14:22 GMT

My little Poo's all grown up! Dood, he was wearing all this stuff from various honors things it was crazy. AND I got him flowers for his undergrad (DOUBLE STRAND MIND YOU!) unlike how my parents gave me nothing for my undergrad. No, i'm not bitter. Not at all. Actually I wore jack during my undergrad ceremony cuz uh yeah didn't do to well there. I was one of the plain old black gowns with nothing for undergrad. It's nice that Poo's all colorful and pretty. ^_^ I'm very proud of him! He even graduated cum laude! (though he says if it weren't for his stupid bio minor it would have been at least magna or summa... right....top 10-12% for the university with over 6000 in a class is pretty good I think already. And yes, he is like a head taller than everyone in my family tho he's trying to disguise it a bit by slouching in all his pictures.

On a separate note, SCHOOL'S OVER!!! WOOT! Yay summer.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 04:55:02 GMT

I had a thought driving home today while listening to the news on NPR. As usual, it was about the situation in Iraq. Every day is like the same thing - yet another suicide bombing or terrorist attack adding fuel to the flames of sectarian violence. Usually I don't write about political stuff because even though I do listen to the news on the radio...I guess I just don't feel exactly confident enough to talk about all the complexities. But anyways, it just struck me today that the way each side, Sunni and Shiite go back and forth "getting each other back" for the last attack is pretty much exactly like the bullying and teasing that goes on among the kids in my class. Granted kids aren't dying in my school or anything, but it really is almost like a microcosm of what is going on in the "grown up world".

It starts out with one kid who doesn't like another because of the way they act or the way they look or talk and teases a second kid. Perhaps first kid doesn't even mean to mean but has nothing better to do or was "just kidding because it's not a big deal" but in either case, second kid is internally hurt and lashes out by teasing back or doing something to annoy first kid. First kid either does something back again or go tells a teacher because his or her feelings were hurt. Any other kid that tries to step in to help an unpopular kid being teased winds up being dragged into the teasing and either starts teasing to maintain popularity or ends up getting teased themselves. In either case, it goes back and forth back and forth with kids on both sides getting back at the other because "that person annoyed me and I got mad". On top of that, when two kids try to call a truce (say a boy and a girl - and you know at least part of all the teasing flying around or so called "bullying" is stemming from misplaced raging hormones) other friends try re-kindling the flames of hate again by saying "Eeeww!! You're being nice to him? He's so weird. You like him or something?" etc etc. So the one side or the other will call off the truce to stay "cool" or whatever other stupid reason. Either that or the two truce people can't even trust each other - they get suspicious if the other side becomes too nice and so react harshly, once again fueling the flames.

There are times I want to just smack the kids up side the head and go "Why can't you just act right and get along dammit???!!" Sure everyone kids and adults can spout off about what is "the right thing to do" but how many of them - kids or adults actually go and do that? What ticks me off even more is the whole victim mentality of both kids and the people involved in war. It's always "I'm the victim. I was wronged. I DESERVE and DEMAND the right to get back at them. IT'S NOT MY FAULT". And sure, sometimes it really isn't your fault. But can you be bigger than your circumstances and move on without retaliation? There's never a thought to the other side or true forgiveness and a sincere attempt to work together. Can't people look beyond the faults of the other side and know that maybe yeah they screwed up again after proclaiming truce but to still try again despite it instead of retaliating? It's kinda like the Jackie Robinson story (we saw a play as a class this week) where Robinson, for the sake of gaining acceptance as the first black player in the major leagues had to put up with all kinds of shit and death threats without fighting back and always trying to do what is right by getting along with people no matter how much they hurt him. By his actions in this way, he was able to open up the doors for so many other people, not just ball players.

Seeing how my kids interact even on this small level - how petty it can all be and also how self-righteous each of them can feel about their own particular situation and how very ignorant and UNAWARE they are about their reality and actions makes me think "It's no wonder the world is the way it is." It really makes me think that the situation in Afghanistan and Iraq are really not so different than what is going on in our own backyard so to speak. Some of us may think the war is far removed from us, but really, we are all replaying the same situations as those fighting in Iraq - just on a different scale/degree.

There seems to be so much evil in the world spreading its seeds everywhere and pushing good people and good intentions out from positions of power. I am reminded of the manga I just finished that Jess has been trying to get me to read for awhile now. The archetypes in the story are pretty well...standard to say the least, but it is still soooo applicable to our lives today. Basic point of the story is that evil breeds evil - it starts out as little seeds and with each bad thing we do that seeds gets bigger and bigger until it consumes us. Evil also attracts evil and becomes stronger while good or light is forced to go into hiding. At the same time, small sparks of light representing the good in people and nature are trying to shine and fight their way through the darkness in the world. What it came down to is that each person has to find that light in themselves - and that people can help you find light in you and some can also lead you the opposite way. In the end it is still up to you though. One other lesson was that light and goodness can work like a pebble being dropped in a pool of water - its just a tiny plop, but it can create ripples that resonate through the entire pool of water and create a big change. We are all small and can only do so much, but because everyone no matter what side you are on are all connected, whatever actions we take can really add up. Question to each person in the world is - what kind of ripple do you want to cause?

On a separate note, I would like to start writing more seriously - like actually produce pieces worth reading (both expository and creative writing). And I want a forum or audience to read and enjoy and critique that writing. Any suggestions dear loyal readers (those that remain )? I say this, and yet I probably won't get around to writing anything worthwhile until summer at the earliest, but just a thought. Maybe I should start looking up random contests or something.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 20:13:51 GMT

A bit too lazy to post up individual pictures on Xanga.... but here's a link to Tim's gallery where he's posted most of the pics from the trip. Check under the 2006 album, Japan and Taiwan.

While in Taiwan, Tim's mom wanted to take family portraits so we all went to a photoshoot that took up like half the day complete with hair and makeup styling as well as multiple outfit/theme changes. He didn't post any of the actual photos from the photo shoot, which makes me sad, so I will post some here, but just the Asian United Nations themed ones. They're cheesy. Come to think of it, his little brother didn't post any final photos from the shoot either, but at least he had some funny ones that he took with his own camera.

Samurai Tim

Sorry Jeff....couldn't resist putting this one up.

Me (Tim's mom thought we would both be suited to wear the Japanese outfits...Tim's parents obviously are going to wear the Chinese outfits....leaving Jeff and Lyhn with the Korean costumes. ^_^)

Super cheesy shot. Yeah, laugh it up! Tim's cute in the pic though.

Group shot

There were other two other main themes beside the united nations one but one of them made me look very Korean and the other Tim will get mad if I showed it.

Work is kinda doodoo right now. But it should get better. And no, I don't really want to talk about it anymore. The more I have to repeat it, the worse it gets in my head.

The pics make me happy though. ^_^

Monday, January 01, 2007

Mon, 01 Jan 2007 18:43:41 GMT

Back from Japan/Taiwan. It was fun for the most part. Nerve-racking at others. Potentially ulcer-inducing in some. Pictures to come sometime... In the meanwhile, something trite yet true (with some modifications) from a coworker:

ATTITUDE
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-M-M," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.
Be kinder than necessary, for EVERYONE you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Forgive unconditionally,

Speak kindly.......

Leave the rest to God.

Have a joyous and prosperous New Year.

When I saw this email, I thought "boy this is cheesy" but at the same time there are truths in those last maxims. Some have said I'm kinder than most, others that I'm colder than most. Hard to say which is real I guess. Sometimes I start to misjudge my own motivations for my actions and I easily let my own feelings rise to the surface and become defensive/offensive when I feel that I've been hurt or made fun of/belittled. Perhaps people don't mean to be rude or arrogant or belittling when they say things to me, but I perceive it as such and retaliate accordingly before thinking things through. It's embarassing to admit - but honestly, the littlest thing can hurt. Most of the time it's trivial - not worth mentioning and so I don't because otherwise I'd be even more crazy than already am, and I don't want others to start curbing themselves and acting all cautious around me. Lost in translation? Perhaps. Others say I bottle things in too much so that at any given moment, something small can unleash a fury. Who knows? I've said many a caustic thing in my life - probably more than I should have. Most people shrug it off as sarcastic joking around, others say it hits too close to home. Perhaps they do. When I think back on those cases though, it seems to me that those are usually the times I've actually felt hurt/insulted by something in that moment. Not to excuse myself, but it's just a pattern I've noticed.

It's easier to blame others - to feel hurt and betrayed - to be the victim. God knows I've done it enough. It's also easier to "rank" people in order of preference as to who's "side" you should be on, what should be allowed and what shouldn't. People are allowed their opinions for all things sure - what's not so nice is when we belittle or make others feel worse for their own ideas. It's harder to forgive. Harder yet to admit any wrong. And even harder to forgive and make the best of things when others won't. With that said, it's a new year. Another 30 pounds to lose, another chance to start anew. I'm a simple person. Perhaps too simple - to the point of being complex. Haha that makes no sense. But anyways, just because I'm making this general, doesn't mean I don't mean it:

For everyone that I've ever met (even those who have screwed me over or hate me or don't think of me at all this is for all the good and bad I've learned in life):

Thank you for what you've taught me.

Thank you for what you've done for me.

I am sorry - for not being there, for not knowing what to do, for not doing more, for not being more humble, for not showing gratitude, for being hurtful.

I forgive you - whether or not you think you needed it.

I won't make "New Year's Resolutions" because those never last. I can only say that I will make a life resolution to be a better person - in mind, body, and heart. Tootaloo~

Monday, December 04, 2006

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 01:20:01 GMT

Here's an entry for you Sam!

Bristol- Myers is donating a dollar to AIDS research every
time someone goes to the web site below and moves the match to
the candle and lights it. Please forward this to your friends
to spread. It takes a few seconds to raise a dollar.

https://www.lighttounite.org/

In other news, teaching is kicking my butt which is why I haven't been posting in ages. Maybe I will catch a little over break. Maybe I won't have a job by then. WHO KNOWS!!!!!??? Your guess is as good as mine!

Brief update - as of this coming Monday I will have 32 kids (one new kid is coming on Monday - 17 boys and 15 girls ahhhhhhh!!!!!!) KIDS ARE SOOOOOO CRAZY!!!!

So. Unbelievably. Behind. (>_<) Did I mention report cards are due soon?

Oh yeah. And we got the Wii today!!!!!! WOOT! It's so cute. I woke Tim and Vince up so that we could get there before Target opened - they were a bit grumbly but lucky we went early because we barely managed to get a ticket! #56 out of 57 total units! Boo thing is we only have one remote/controller thingy cuz they're kinda sold out at most places. Bleh. We also bought Zelda Twilight Princess and the DragonBall Z game. I still like just creating characters in the Mii Channel and playing tennis on Wii sports best though. Oh and I guess I really wanted the Wii cuz I wanted to be able to play Paper Mario on our own machine and not on Eddy's borrowed Gamecube. IT'S SOOOO CUTE!!!!

Last tidbit - Taiwan Pride!!!!

~In the Formasa, Taiwan will touch your heart~ la la la

Japan and Taiwan in T minus uh.... Ionno.... I leave on the 16th. Whoo hoo!! What's amazing is that my dad apparently never deposited/converted all the yen I saved up after my internship so I have an unexpected like $650 to spend! And since my mom just came back from Taiwan/Japan a couple months ago she gave me some NT dollars she hadn't spent so there's another $300 also! Wee!!!!! I won't have to convert any money probably at all for the entire trip!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 22:29:59 GMT

Thank you USC for making my life THAT MUCH MORE FRICKING DIFFICULT. Not only am I not able to get my credential till grades are posted and degree conferred, but now when the grades are out and degree is posted, the person in charge of credentialing at USC LEAVES WORK LITERALLY 10 MINUTES BEFORE I ARRIVE BECAUSE SHE "FELT SICK" and won't be F-ING BACK TILL MONDAY. BY THE WAY, THANK YOU FOR NOT TELLING YOUR CO-WORKERS YOU LEFT FOR THE DAY! I ONLY WAITED FOR YOU TO "COME BACK FROM LUNCH" FOR TWO HOURS + ANOTHER HOUR OF DRIVING IN TRAFFIC.

DID I MENTION THAT I HAVE TO RE-SUBMIT MY HOUSING APPLICATION TO SAY I HAVE NO EMPLOYMENT AND HOPE TO GET APPROVED BASED ON MY ROOMMATES APPLICATIONS INSTEAD BECAUSE OF YOU, FRICKING USC???

That's right, no credential paperwork submitted by USC -> no signing of contract with stated salary on it with Cupertino school district -> DENIAL OF APPLICATION TO RENT APARTMENT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T VERIFY THAT I HAVE A JOB.

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH USC. PAYING OVER $40,000 WAS SO WORTH EVERY MINUTE OF TORTURE. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T KICK ME ANY LOWER, YOU SURPRISE ME ONCE AGAIN. BRAVO. HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 01:21:49 GMT


Currently Listening: OLIVIA (Lufkin)
Album: Synchronicity
Track: 8 - Dekinai

dekinai kirei ja nai kara
dekinai futotte iru kara
dekinai atama itai kara
dekinai hatachi sugite iru kara
dekinai jikan ga nai kara
dekinai umaku nai kara
dekinai nemui kara
dekinai kyou wa tsukareta kara

kono mama ja manzoku dekinai
kono mama ja zutto kono mama

SUUPAA MODERU mo me ja nai
GOORUDO MEDARU mo me ja nai
mou hitori no jibun ga sasayaku kedo

dekinai kirei ja nai kara
dekinai futotte iru kara
dekinai atama itai kara
dekinai hatachi sugite iru kara
dekinai jikan ga nai kara
dekinai umaku nai kara
dekinai nemui kara
dekinai kyou wa tsukareta kara

tozasareta mou hitori no jibun wo
tokihanatsu tame no Key wo kitto te ni ireru

SUUPAA HIIROO mo iranai
BODII GAADO mo iranai
mou hitori no jibun ni toikakeru kedo 

dekinai kirei ja nai kara
dekinai futotte iru kara
dekinai atama itai kara
dekinai hatachi sugite iru kara
dekinai jikan ga nai kara
dekinai umaku nai kara
dekinai nemui kara
dekinai kyou wa tsukareta kara  

But you see,
that when I shut my eyes I meet another me
She sings to me sweet lullabyes and fantasies
She says undo me ~set me free~
Release me ~can't you see?~
That your mind controls everything
I don't want to be a shadow of your fear
and doubt of a little coward
cause I can be anything I want to be so you and me
we have to agree If anyone can do it So can we   

dekinai kirei ja nai kara
dekinai futotte iru kara
dekinai atama itai kara
dekinai hatachi sugite iru kara
dekinai jikan ga nai kedo
dekinai umaku nai kedo
dekinai jishin ga nai kedo
dekinai hitori ja nai kara 
-----------------------------------

Mumbo jumbo? Learn Japanese! 
Boop de boop boop bop.  
I will survive! Somehow. *shakes fist at world*

Sometimes I think it would be good to end up as a ghost after I die.